your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
