Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize