He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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