Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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