i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize