I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
