Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
