Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Alive.
So much puke
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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