You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
