sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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