The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
