i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
