I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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