Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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