so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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