At least make sure they are 18
Why
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
