you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
God I need to hump something, right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
