I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize