I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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