Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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