hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
