Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
