So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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