im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
