so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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