About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
