I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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