I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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