Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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