I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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