New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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