We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
