I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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