i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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