I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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