currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
