I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
