I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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