The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
