i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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