Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
