If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
