It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
