You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
