I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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