Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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