Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm really busy with my period
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