Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
