Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
