You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
