i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What did we do last night that was yellow?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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