My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
