he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you would pick up someone in the library
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
