he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
