Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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