Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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