so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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