We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
