Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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