Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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