VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
