I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
