I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
