What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
