i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
