Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
