thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
