you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize