Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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