i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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