You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
