just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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